Oh! My poor ikkle baby short story. It's a massacre...

Have you ever entered your child into a 'Bonny Baby Competition'?

You know the sort. The kind run in a newspaper that only local taxi drivers seem to read. The kind that get excited that Sam from 'Stenders is going to switch on the Xmas lights. That kind.

No? Why ever not?

Is it because it is demeaning to your child, judging them solely on their chub-chub looks? Is it because it is the slippery slope to American style pagentry where you end up in a Holiday Inn in Bracknell, cheering on your Pussy-cat Doll-stylee three-year-old who is trying to twirl a baton like a majorette?

Or is it a little bit because, you have a tiny fear that your child might just come last?

Well, putting your creative writing work on a review website like 'Authoronomy' is a bit like hurling your toddler into a Darling Dimples competition.

Your darling story. You gestated it. You birthed it. You polished it up and plopped a bow on top.

Then finally you display it to the world. Friends and family will 'ooh and aah' over it anyway. They don't count. Nor do writers groups or creative writing classes. Everyone is too frightened about what you will say about their stuff to squeak more than a small criticism about grammar.

But an annonymous critiquing website - they are just thrilled to point out the metaphorical cradle cap and milk spots on your poor little work of fiction.

I just had a scathing review about something I posted. And one not so scathing. Of course, all I can think about is the scathing one.

Call my baby ugly? How very dare you.

I am planning the rewrite already.