Part of me is happy - the town we would have ended up in made me feel elderly even just looking at it.
Part of me is terrified - there have been so few jobs on offer anywhere that we are in limbo, just waiting and hoping for a job to come up anywhere.
Part of me is desperate - I miss my family in the UK and now we are thinking we may have to look further afield to New Zealand and Australia it has become a reality that we may never live in the same country again.
I feel homesick, but not sure for which home. I think it is the home in my mind where we are secure, my daughter is in a school for longer than a year and my husband is settled in a job, at last.
That home is not here, as this is temporary. It is not in England, they don't seem to want us.
Where is my home now? And if I don't know that, when will this longing end?