Friday, September 10, 2010

A place where mothers are being treated as second class citizens

This is a national disgrace.
A scandal so underground that the government has, for decades, kept the public in the dark about the sheer magnitude of this inequality.

And it's happening in your home, right now...

Yes, I am talking about 'Protected Poo Time'.
The smallest room in the house has become a battleground of the sexes, and mothers are being treated as second class citizens when it comes to Number Twos.

Ask yourself the following questions:
  • Was your husband/partner in the loo this morning for more than 20 minutes whilst you frantically rallied the troops for the school run?
  • When was the last time you were allowed to poo in peace without tiny fingers clawing their way under the door and the word 'Mummmmeeee' being shrieked repeatedly?
  • Did your husband take his laptop in with him? If so, yuck.
  • Is your idea of luxury is having a poo without your husband occasionally shouting 'darling, have we run out of envelopes?'
If you have answered yes to any of the above, you are not alone. Write to your MP. Demand that men try and have a go at pooping with a tiny bit more rapidity when all your children are having a meltdown at once. Recommend funding for studies into how women can acheive equality with men in this fraught dispute.

Your voice counts, even if your bottom does not.


  1. Without delving too far into this matter, I can never quite believe how long most men spend in there. Why go in if you're obviously not quite ready to poo? Who needs 20 minutes to get one out? Most of us get babies out faster than men poo.

  2. You are so right. And I have two boys who also feel they have a divine right to hog the loo for hours. Ask them to clean it though and they look at you as if you have 2 heads. I shall be writing to my MP forthwith - she's a woman so expect to hear this outrage raised in parliament some time soon.

  3. Ah yes - blessed poo time. I can well remember when I had a nasty bout of the runs, and dashed to the bathroom, my five year old daughter in hot pursuit. 'Darling please mummy needs a minute' I just managed to say, but daughter came in anyway. Then she sat on the edge of the bath while I groaned on the loo. Then she held her nose, 'because it smells of poo in here mummy' and THEN she went downstairs to tell my husband: 'Mummy just pooed herself.' Like the bloody Stazi I tell ya!

  4. Haa haa, so true! I dream of the day when I can wee, poo, shower in peace, without a toddler shouting 'Weeeeeeeee' or indeed a 4 year old asking, 'Was that your bottom' Marvellous

  5. Love all your replies!
    Jane, that sounds just like my daughter.
    Pass the Chablis: It probably was your bottom, but there was no need for your 4 year old to shout it about.
    Invisible...I feel your pain. Every time I go into our loo it looks like the Somme.
    Expat...LOL about the speed of babies vs poo debate!

  6. Ace post. I too have been a victim in the past. I get around this by announcing in a rather manly fashion to the boys that I am now going to the toilet and I WILL be at least 20 minutes (with Vogue in one hand and PDA in t'other). xx