Thursday, September 2, 2010

Friends - When is it 'safe' to have an argument. Part 2.

So my daughter comes home from school last night and delightedly tells me:

"Mummy, *** says that his mummy has decided she will be friends with you again."

If you read my post from a few weeks ago (just scroll down a bit) you will see that I had a bit of a ruction with two friends because their lovely but boyish boys were making my daughters life a little bit uncomfortable when we went away together. I snapped, I apologised, I forgot about it. One of the mums and I have a bit of a laugh about it sometimes, and have since been away together, with great success.

It would seem not so with Mum no.2. We have gone from contact each other several times a week to me occasionally calling, and being either ignored or a flimsy excuse given for avoiding me. I have seen her a couple of times, and I hoped I had been forgiven. I don't want to beg to have her as a friend, but it all feels so teenage girl 'she said, then I said'-ish. I could tell I was still in the dog house, and this was proof from a child's mouth. She is a really great lady, she makes me laugh, but I guess I pushed her too far in my irritation with her son.

It's awful to think that I am able to make a close friend and lose a close friend within 9 months. It makes you question how likeable you are. We all think ourselves as being flawed, but never suppose it would stop people from not wanting to know us. I am a gregarious person, I love my solitude but also love to have a great old yak with friends.

It also makes me wonder what she is saying to other people: 'don't go near 1950s Housewife, she's a right psycho'. I guess the only thing to do now is smile at her outside the school and move on and make other friends. Only this time I will keep my mouth firmly shut about criticising their child in any way. If there is ever a problem again, I will just walk away with my daughter.


  1. I always think that if someone can take offence that easily, they're probably not worth expending too much energy on. I also can't stand that passive aggressive bullshit where people don't have the balls to tell you what the problem is, they just freeze you out.
    Move on I say. It's her loss.

  2. Can totally empathise with you, it's a bummer.
    Just try and stay positive about it and move forwards with grace. True friends will always out.

  3. Like Expat, I have no time for that passive aggressive stupidity, it is not very mature. I also have no time for someone who passes along messages via children, children should never ever be involved in an adult dispute. Can I be very judgemental here, just for a minute? I don't know that she is worth hanging onto as a friend if this is the way she behaves. She could be more hard work than is worth the effort, sigh. You expressed your feelings, you didn't declare war! Jen

  4. Thanks for replying. You are all right, I think I need to bow out gracefully from the friendship. It's sad, we had so much in common, but I do think she has some 'issues' with her husband, her mother and her health and it kind of spills over.
    It's funny, but since I decided to focus on other women at the school gate I feel happier to smile at her and be friendly. I was so upset that I had angered her, but now I can't be arsed with the whole thing it's like I have shaken off a cloud that has been over my head for the past few weeks.
    I don't think her son was coached to say that to my daughter, he is very precocious and verbal. She speaks to him like an adult so I imagine that is what she has said to him recently and he has just regurgitated it.

  5. I suppose the grown up thing would be to have a sensible 'this is how the situation makes me feel' conversation over coffee. However they are such toe curlingly awful conversations that they should only be bestowed on your absolute best, best friends whom you could not live without. If you don't feel the need with this lady, then maybe this is the sort of friendship which has a small shelf life, but that does not mean that it was a waste. There is always something to be learnt from these situations, and with time things will probably get better. I don't think human relationships are ever simple no matter how 'mature' we are supposed to be!